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This Week in Disrespect: Morons

November 5, 2009

A relatively short TWiD this week because, as you’d imagine, most players, coaches, media members, fans and impartial prognosticators are, at long last, falling in line. “Lowell,” they have more or less universally decided, “is indeed for real and in fact, is probably just as good as those funny, talented, handsome supergeniuses at The Ice Is Life always say it is.”

Well that’s certainly true, you guys, especially the part about how funny, talented and handsome we are (though we caution that only one of us is a supergenius and the other technically a wunderkind). But it appears that just as things as irrefutable as evolution are yet refuted by those on the outer edges of the lunatic fringe, there will always be naysayers that believe Lowell isn’t up to snuff. Take, for example, Colby Cohen.

It all worked out for him because he scored the game-winning goal on Friday night. Yeah. Good for him. But he clearly also feels that this one semi-accomplishment gives him certain license to paint with a very, very broad brush over what would otherwise be an horribly uncomfortable truth. Sayeth Mr. Cohen in BU’s excellent student newspaper, the Daily Free Press (emphasis ours):

“They have some defensemen with some big shots, and sometimes it tough to go out there and take one off the foot … But as the game went on guys started saying, ‘There’s no way we’re going to lose to this team.'”

THIS team, Colby? The one that was straight taking it to your weaksauce Terrier squad? The one you couldn’t stop from scoring less than two minutes after you took the lead in the third period? The one who scored said goal when you were on the ice (ha ha)? The one you needed two straight games’ worth of help from that scumbag Tim Benedetto to get past in the first place? The one that had you rated a minus-2 for the game in which you scored the second-luckiest goal of your career? The one against which you are a minus-5 in the last two seasons? The one that went into your barn and made the defense of which you are allegedly such an integral part look ridiculous the next night? Is that the team you mean?

Oh right, good point, Colby (which, we’ll point out, is a girl’s name). You are now both the Queen of the Lucky Goal and Queen of the Disingenuous No-Talent Zeroes (apropos, but we admit, it doesn’t have much of a ring to it). Welcome, by the way to the On Notice board, and thanks for supplanting the College Hockey Media, which has, in recent weeks, fawned over Lowell in what we feel is an appropriate way.

But the disrespect didn’t end there this week, oh no.

This Tour de Farce continued up Comm Ave. and onto Storrow Drive before making a right at the Banknorth Garden. It was there that Tim Thomas, Vermont’s least-talented alumnus, continued to stump for this offensive assault of lies about and disregard for Lowell, which apparently has its campaign headquarters in Boston.

In a recent interview with the University of Vermont’s website, which was forwarded to us by our comrades at Fear the Triangle, Thomas “revealed” that he chose Vermont at the last moment because “only Michigan Tech and UMass-Lowell showed any interest until UVM coaches called in the third week of August.”

Now, you see, the tone, and thus the implication, is that Lowell was somehow inferior to Vermont and that Thomas was holding out hope for a good school to come a-knockin’, and none did until two weeks before classes started. A nice quick pump o’ the tires for the Catamounts, and a delightful little underhanded shot at Lowell in once sentence. Perfecto.

Except that’s not true.

Let us now recount a story we’ve heard from a number of sources, including Thomas himself. Yes, Lowell was very interested in his services, and he was leaning heavily toward accepting the scholarship offer. But he turned it down because, well, he wanted to go somewhere he could compete for a starting job as a freshman, and didn’t think he could do such a thing in Lowell. He was, of course, right.

You see, Timmy Thomas’ freshman year at Vermont was the 1993-94 season. Lowell fans would better know it as the one in which Lowell won 25 games, made the Hockey East title game and went to the NCAA tournament behind a goalie called Dwayne Roloson who ended up being a finalist for the Hobey Baker award and an NHL All-Star and would have backstopped the Edmonton freaking Oilers of all teams to a Stanley Cup title if he hadn’t gotten run in Game 1 of the Finals. You may have heard of him.

Meanwhile, Thomas won the starting job in Vermont and did nothing of note after that until he fell into a Bruins team that was so awful he somehow won a starting job, then hopped on the coattails of Claude Julien and Zdeno Chara and rode them all the way to a richly undeserved Vezina Trophy through the use of what no one in this area would dare call the trap.

So the real reason, then, that Thomas didn’t go to Lowell is that he wasn’t good enough. We hope this helps clarify things in the future.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Keith permalink
    November 6, 2009 1:22 pm

    another classic, truthsquad.

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