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This Week in Disrespect: The Worldwide Leader in Jerks

October 21, 2009

Imagine our delight when, while waiting for the Boston College/Vermont game to get underway on ESPNU this past Sunday, the nice producers put up a graphic that showcased the Hockey East coaches’ poll. It’s nice to be reminded of how good Lowell is this year, and how bad everyone else is by comparison.

The banter between the two guys in the booth, Clay Matvick and Damian DiGiulian, was about how BU looked strong at the top of the poll despite the loss to Amherst because they are, of course, defending national champions. And we get that. Then they moved right to the third and fourth teams in the poll, and perhaps that too was understandable because hey, they are the two teams playing in today’s broadcast.

And then they moved on. Without mentioning the No. 2 team in the poll and the No. 1 team in our hearts.

Unacceptable.

But just a few minutes later, the conversation circled back to the poll, and finally, Lowell got a mention. ” And … Lowell,” they said, “should be good as well.”

Yes, well, sure. Lowell should be good. And along those same lines, Jackson Pollack’s “One: No. 31, 1950” is a big painting, John F. Kennedy was a president, and love is a neurochemical reaction.

We have taken into account that yes, ESPN knows precisely nothing about hockey. They can’t tell Fedor Tyutin from Fyodor Dostoyevsky, so sure, they’ll gloss over a team like Lowell because they at least had graphics for the other three teams they talked about in-depth good to go from the last two NCAA tournaments they covered.

But ignorance is no excuse for disrespect. Perhaps the World Wide Leader was too busy covering up for Steve Phillips and that girl that looks like Meatloaf (“Bat Out of Hell” Meatloaf, not “delicious food” Meatloaf, though we see where you’d get confused) to notice that Lowell is going to steamroll these teams, all three of which, it should be pointed out, ESPN said had a very good chance to go to Detroit this year.

Yes, well, sure. They do all have a very good chance. The way the Jupiter is very close to Earth, Citizen Kane is a very bad movie, and August 6, 1945 was a very nice day in Hiroshima.

A word of thanks

Dear Hockey East,

We would like to talk to you concerning the most recent Hockey East Weekly Release. Not only did the correct player win Player of the Week for the first time in what seems like forever, but also “COMMISSIONERS [sic] CORNER with Joe Bertagna” has apparently been stricken from making an appearance because rational heads, assumedly, prevailed and someone said, “We can’t run this garbage.”

The unfortunate thoughts of that delusional narcissist haunted us for much of the week (honestly, taking credit for the smartphone?), but now that’s all over with. We’re relieved as are, we’re sure, all Hockey East fans.

For us to take credit for this prudent smartening-up would be unseemly, so suffice it to say that we will humbly accept any and all thanks you might someday send for the role our brilliant counterpoints played in the cancellation of this regrettable feature, but we ask that you please let that be the end of it.

We know we’ve made your jobs every Monday just a little bit easier. You’re welcome.

Sexily yours,

The TIIL homebros

P.S. Sorry this week’s TWiD was so short. It seems people are coming around on Lowell, which of course makes this column slightly more difficult to write for the time being.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. October 22, 2009 4:01 am

    You may want to check again because the Commish(‘)s Corner is in fact included in this week’s release. Bertagna comes to the groundbreaking conclusion that established programs receive (gasp) beneficial treatment in the national polls. I know, I know. I bet you’re as shocked to hear that as I was.

    Oh, he also pulls out the “the only poll that matters comes out in march” cliche. Now there’s some quality insight that we would no be able to get anywhere else.

  2. RHHB permalink
    October 22, 2009 7:30 am

    that’s funny. we ⌘+f’ed for “COMMISS” and got nothing when it first went up. they must’ve added it later, which is upsetting.

  3. Bob permalink
    October 22, 2009 8:32 pm

    its amazing how lowell fans just assume they should be handed everything this year. News flash, YOU HAVENT DONE ANYTHING YET THIS YEAR OR IN YOUR HISTORY OF HOCKEY EAST. Get over it already, just because your team returns 20 players from a 5th place team you automatically think you should be given this national attention. Lowell is not a historic program or a national powerhouse, get over it already, win something first before you cry about being disrespected.

  4. October 22, 2009 10:37 pm

    well bob, it’s (lookit us using the apostrophe key!) not that we expect anything be handed to lowell (though that would certainly be nice!), but rather that lowell is clearly superior to everyone in hockey east this season.

    but to your larger point, that “just because” lowell returns all its best players including a hockey east first-teamer/second team all-american, it doesn’t deserve national attention, you are very obviously wrong and stupid.

    thanks for reading, you strap-hanging nobody. we can’t wait to see lowell demolish whichever terrible team you support.

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