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This Week in Disrespect: Never doubt us

March 19, 2009

Disrespect, like most everything, is a relative term.

We at the River Hawk Hockey Blog will grudgingly admit that we’re, umm, finely attuned to even the slightest comment that could possibly be construed as disrespectful to our beloved ‘Hawks. Some people may go so far as to label us oversensitive (nah), or even paranoid (possibly).

This past week’s quarterfinal series with the University of Vermont taught us two important lessons:

1. Disrespect is rampant.
2. We are always right.

To set the scene: On the message boards, an UNH fan posted his predictions for the quarterfinal round.

(5) Massachusetts-Lowell @ (4) Vermont Gutterson Fieldhouse
Friday, March 13 UVM 4 UML 1
Saturday, March 14 UML 3 UVM 2
Sunday, March 15 UVM 4 UML 2
In game two, UML might jump out to an early lead, quieting the racous crowd at the Gutt. That same crowd carries game 1, and there’s no way UVM loses this series at home. It’s not the same defense-first team from year’s past, and I don’t think even this year’s talented UML team can skate with them. Despite my predictions, a more resounding sweep would not shock me at all; these ‘Cats are very good.”

Obviously, some Lowell fans had a problem with this assessment. Further conversation unearthed that the poster had not seen Lowell play since their last UNH series – which, as we pointed out, was way back in December. The River Hawks had played 19 games since then and, at the time, were 9-4-2 in their last 15 games.

The crux of the pro-Lowell argument was simple: Lowell had gone up to the much ballyhooed Gutterson Field House only two weeks prior and taken 3 of 4 points from the “very good” Cats.

It seemed to most Lowell fans — and, let’s be honest, most sensible people — that this would be a closely-contested series, of which any combination of outcomes wouldn’t be overly surprising.

Then Vermont fans began acting like Vermont fans.

We’ve tried, on numerous occasions, to grasp or even begin to understand their bizarre and unfounded sense of entitlement. We have failed. There seems to be neither rhyme nor reason to this group psychosis, and we wish there were more miles separating them from the rest of the normals.

Poster “jcarter7669,” obviously a Catamounts fan, decided that our calm, rational reasoning for choosing to look at the two most recent Lowell/Vermont games, both played at Gutterson Fieldhouse, as an indicator for the upcoming series was, in fact, absurd.

Kind of like basing it on the 2 games played at UVM. Have you watched any other UVM games?? I mean come on, we all predict based on what we observed. UVM was playing horribly when they played UML, even though it was just recently. Last weekend saw a 6-4 5-6 weekend split, against a team with a good tender and a potent offense. If that UVM shows up, yeah a sweep of UML isn’t unreasonable. IF the UVM team that shows up is playing poorly, well who knows, very possible UML gets by them.

Just in case Mancini’s reasoning here is confusing, we’ve bolded the important part of this written diarrhea.

To summarize:

  • Vermont split against a team that scores less than Lowell and who has worse goal tending, but if THAT Vermont team shows up, a sweep isn’t unreasonable.
  • If Vermont decides to pack it in, then MAAAAAYBE Lowell has a shot.

Yeah, we can’t imagine how this all devolved into one great big gong show.

This “jcarter7669” fellow continued to exhibit his stupidity and lack of knowledge (hockey or otherwise) for the next couple of days. Most of his posts are hideous trainwrecks of logic and reading comprehension, so we’ll just be content to laugh at him from the Boston Garden this Friday.

However, “jcarter7669” wasn’t the only Catamount fan lining up to feast on a delicious meal of crow, with a thick slab of mouthwatering humble pie for dessert. Not by a long shot. Poster “KennyCat” added this bit of illogic to the discussion:

Exactly why Lowell will go down quickly to UVM. When your only scoring is the power play, you are in trouble. No team, in college hockey or professional, can maintain a .500 pace in PP goals. UVM will skate past Lowell, and end up playing NU, after BC sticks it to UNH and plays BU. BU takes it all in the HE finals. That’s not how it ends though. UVM goes to the final four and brings home the prize.

We’ll start off by first pointing out there that this dead-serious reply was written in response to a joke post about giving Lowell the championship. If sarcasm is the lowest form of humor, then what does it say about the people that don’t get it?

What we find most hilarious here is the assumption that Vermont has any shot at all at the Frozen Four, never mind the national championship. Vermont. The same Vermont team Lowell just pasted in three out of four games at their home rink? The same one-trick pony that, without Viktor Stalberg, is nothing more than a glorified UMass with less scoring ability? This weapons-grade idiocy astounds us.

We’ve saved the best for last. This next batch of comments skipped the subterfuge of hiding disrespect for Lowell behind veiled pro-Vermont predictions and got straight down to outright fightin’ words. Said Slasher7:

Is this Lowell vs. UVM stuff a joke? UVM is five times the team UML is. If they dont sweep I will be surprised.

Reading it for the fiftieth time, we still think Slasher7 had to be kidding. Right? No one could be that naïve and full of bravado could they? Apparently he was dead serious. Because when asked if he was having a laugh, he responded:

Not even one bit. Lowell is going into the den of a top ten team and you think Lowell can win? Not even close. UVM rolls.

Of course, we thought Lowell could win. And we were right, although the fact that we were questioned at all is another level of disrespect entirely.

Simply put, Lowell outhit, outhustled and outwilled Vermont. We’re aware this has come to a great shock to UVM fans, because no one wants to be brought back to earth in such a complete and totally humiliating fashion. Last time something came to earth that hard, Morgan Freeman was president and Frodo Baggins saved the day. Big bad Stalberg? Neutered. The “atmosphere” of the Gutterson Fieldhouse? Rendered silent. Vermont fans? Trying feverishly to wipe the massive amount of egg off their collective faces. The UVM hockey team? Sitting at home this weekend, watching the big kids play in Boston.

Just like we told you.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Scott K permalink
    March 19, 2009 6:38 pm

    This is an utterly fantastic piece of writing. Bravo!

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