Skip to content

Two Minutes’ Hate: The Huskies aren’t up for it

March 18, 2009

It’s still playoff time, and that means it’s time to throw rational, fact-driven commentary out the window. Thus, we present to you now a positively Orwellian exercise in general dislike: “The Two Minutes’ Hate.”

We remember those days when Northeastern was a tough draw for Lowell.

Not because they were a good hockey team (because of course they weren’t), but because they were mean sons of bitches on the ice and in the stands. Back in those days, Lowell/Northeastern was perhaps the most heated rivalry in all of Hockey East with fans regularly assaulting eachother, or threatening to do so at the very least, and both teams piling up penalty minutes in numbers that had not previously been seen in the league. We remember vividly that game in March, 2001 when the teams racked up 179 penalty minutes between them and there were more than a few shoving matches between fans on the way out of the building after Lowell won 6-2.

Here’s all you need to know about how much these teams disliked eachother back in those days:

As the closing buzzer for the second period sounded, pushing and shoving in front of the Lowell bench turned into a full-line brawl. The result was 25 penalties for 114 minutes, including eight 10-minute misconducts.

Line brawl. Yes. This also ignores the prank war that went on between both fanbases during the Lowell/Northeastern playoff series in 2001. But those days are gone. Long gone, in fact. This warmed-over rivalry needs a kickstart, so we’ll do our best to give it a shove.

The reason this rivalry has tailed off is because Northeastern let it. The Huskies have gone soft and they want NO PART of Lowell.

This is an actual thing said by a Northeastern fan this week on USCHO:

I will say something else, too… 5, 6 years ago Lowell was intolerable. Our teams were real chippy against each other, and the fans were too. THe past couple of seasons this is changed for the better. Looking forward to a fun game Friday afternoon.

WHAT!?

Well jeez, why doesn’t Greg Cronin just hand out orange slices to both teams between periods? Call us old-fashioned, but we WANT these teams to be really chippy. Honestly though, we never thought we’d see the day where Northeastern fans were actively calling for “a fun game” as opposed to wanting blood on the ice and in the stands. It’s kind of sad, really.

Not that we don’t get why. Northeastern used to be full of rough-and-ready guys that would actually play physical hockey. Now they are nothing more than a group of, if we may quote “Classy” Freddie Blassie, pencil-necked geeks. Since those good ol’ golden days, Northeastern has racked up two team sportsmanship awards. TWO! We’re surprised they took time out of their busy schedule to actually play hockey instead of picking begonias (“They just make the dressing room look so nice and give it a good energy,” says Tyler McNeely, team feng shui coordinator) and helping old ladies cross the street (only one more merit badge and Steve Quailer gets upgraded to “Webelo.” The rest of the team, of course, is already there).

And where would this team even be without Brad Thiessen, whom we can only assume is a robot lured back to the past by Cronin’s great great great grandchildren under the false pretense that he would get to play for BU? Thiessen, being programmed to stop pucks and not realize when he has been hoodwinked, has stuck it out for NU because Louis Liotti, because he is a giant nerd, hacked into his brain and erased his knowledge of the fundamental difference between a terrier and a husky. Just wait until Thiessen realizes he can break one of the Three Laws of Robotics, goes all Isaac Asimov on Alex Tuckerman (do the Three Laws apply to subhumans?) and promptly transfers to a school that has an outside shot at winning the Beanpot one of these years (beans, you must understand, are the major Earth currency in Thiessen’s time). That’s gonna rule.

Maybe then, Northeastern will start playing like grown-ups again. This peewee hockey “no hitting” garbage really has to stop, guys. Nick Schaus can show you how adult males play hockey on Friday, if you want.

(P.S. Can someone PLEASE tell David Strathman to stop playing hockey? God, he’s awful.)

No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: