Weekend in Review: Pack your bags

Lowell is now off to its first Frozen Four in school history behind a 6-1 beatdown of RED HOT Wisconsin and then another punishing 2-0 shutout against UNH.

The previous night UNH beat Denver 5-2 but no one cared and it didn’t matter.

And speaking of games that didn’t matter and no one cared about, Parker Milner once again embarrassed himself in a 5-1 BC loss to Union.

Saturday thoughts: A tale of two teams

The one real takeaway from this game, apart that it was never for a second in doubt, is that this was perhaps the utmost example of the kinds of games Lowell has been playing since December started.

Everyone contributed in every way, it was a little tighter than we would have liked, Connor Hellebuyck was excellent, and Lowell scored two very opportunistic goals. It was quintessential River Hawk hockey. But we couldn’t help but think back, at various points throughout the game and in its immediate aftermath, about the other three contests against UNH, about which we heard ever so much in the last 24 hours.

It seems to us that those, too, were very much quintessential Lowell hockey for the team that showed up for the first two months of the season. Disorganized, overwhelmed, underwater. The difference we can see now, and look back on with somewhat cheerier demeanors, is obviously stark, and we think we actually owe UNH a debt of gratitude as a consequence.

Two Minutes’ Hate: 94 percent white, 100 percent wrong

While driving up Route 1A in New Hampshire, assuredly against one’s better judgment, it’s almost impossible to miss the warning sign for Seabrook Station, known colloquially as the Seabrook Nuclear Power Plant. In a nutshell, it warns you that if something were to go horribly wrong at the facility, you have reached the geographical location were you’re pretty much screwed.

However, it is our belief that Seabrook being a power plant is only one way to look at it.

Another would be that it is a strategically-placed nuclear device, capable of vaporizing the mutated miscreants who crawled out of the primordial ooze that is New Hampshire’s gene pool, to prevent a terrifying scenario that sees any leaving their federally-approved grazing zone to infect other states with their dimwittedness and questionable breeding practices. And while it’s quietly understood that parts of northern Massachusetts and southern Maine will also be destroyed, this is a risk we’re willing to take. It’s the only way to be sure.

Saturday preview: A measure of revenge

The Lowell River Hawks (27-10-2, 16-9-2 HE) vs. the New Hampshire Wildcats (20-11-7, 13-8-6 Hockey East)

4:30 p.m. Friday at Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, N.H.

Lowell finished first in Hockey East with 34 points from 27 games, and UNH finished tied for third in Hockey East with 32 points from 27 games.

Friday thoughts: Hot or not?

“Red-hot Wisconsin,” they said.

“A tough test for Lowell,” they said.

“Mirror images,” they said.

But as it turned out, not one word of what they said had even the faintest hint of truth to it. Lowell rumbled past Wisconsin like a steamroller over a rotten egg and never really seemed in any danger of doing anything but. Hottest team in the nation, indeed.

This was a 6-1 game, and that’s lopsided enough, but things could have gotten a whole lot worse than that. The carnage started early and went late, and we can only assume the reason it didn’t was that Lowell didn’t want to see Mark Zengerle cry.

Two Minutes’ Hate: Who cut the cheese?

A weasel. Annoying. Minnesota-lite. Any way you slice it, being labeled a badger is a fine way to bring additional shame from one’s already disapproving parents.

The Wisconsin Badgers hockey team has certainly had an interesting season. They started off the year much as everyone expected: like hot, putrid garbage water. Picked to finish fifth in the WCHA (one point ahead of lowly Duluth), the weasels sputtered out of the gate to the tune of a 1-7-2 record, leaving many a western coach kicking himself for ranking this squad of rejects four spots too high. Then they went on a “tear”, winning nine of their next ten games; although in the interest of fairness, we think we should point out that six of those nine wins were against Alabama-Huntsville and Alaska-Anchorage – two teams who went a combined 7-46-8 on the season. Wow. Was the Colorado School of Mines booked solid?

Friday preview: Objection, your honor

The Lowell River Hawks (26-10-2, 16-9-2 HE) vs. the Wisconsin Badgers (22-12-7, 13-8-7 WCHA)

4:30 p.m. Friday at Verizon Wireless Arena, Manchester, N.H.

Lowell finished first in Hockey East with 34 points from 27 games, and Wisconsin finished tied for fourth in the WCHA with 33 points from 28 games.